Hell's Kitchen?! Hell's Yeah!

There was a lot of discussion on the couch last night about the difference between the chefs of Hell's Kitchen and the chefs of Top Chef. Why do they seem so different? Is it the networks playing to their demographic? Does Top Chef draw more talented Chefs? and if so, why? Does Gord-o specifically want amateur chefs? I don't have an answer to those questions. Sure there were some interesting theories batted around; it's the network; the shows are edited that way -you know, Fox is all trashy, Bravo is all something else; The shows have built audiences based on the atmosphere around the show, and the chefs come from those audiences. All just proverbial spaghetti thrown against the wall, I don't know if any of it stuck because I stopped caring. But I'd bet my good buddy and Pissed Off Line Cook, Mikey could chime in with some opinion.

Anywho (that might be getting over-used) how do you describe a platonic crush on a person of the opposite sex? It's not a man crush, because she's not a man, and it's not a regular crush because she's Whoopi Goldberg, but with Van gone, Tennille is keeping me in this show. Yeah, you've got Kevin who's ambitious to the point of deviousness -He tries to talk Dave out of the competition under the guise that he's legitimately concerned about Dave doing permanent damage to his hand, and you know he overcooked the rice for Whoopi's risotto on purpose -Also, what's the deal with Gord-o and risotto, he's cuckoo for risotto! You've got Dave, who's a legitimate threat despite only having one hand. The other two women are pointless to even talk about, Suzzane's got a small mouth, and Ariel seems pleasant... But, Tennille's keeping this show afloat right now. Doubt me? I present to you two incontrovertible facts:

Fact #1: She looks like Whoopi Goldberg

Fact #2: She yells everything she says!

Bonus Fact #3: Did anyone see her confessional last week? (ala MTV's Real World... I don't know what else to call it) The one where she was all "This is for anyone who's ever been told they can't do something!" She obviously really meant it, how can you not like someone like that?!

Let's get this out of the way so I can get on to my finale prediction: Some other crap happened. And ultimately, small mouth went home. It was inevitable. Kevin -in my opinion- had the worst service, you know, because he couldn't cook rice, but Whoopi and small mouth got sent up, and small mouth went home. The Girlfriend had an interesting question; She wondered if the chefs talk about the fact that their nominations don't matter because Gord-o will put up whoever he wants and it's all cut out in production to maintain the illusion that there's rules to this game. It's a good point.

I had been holding Kevin as my dark-horse winner. I'm off of it, there's too few chefs and he can't hide anymore, he's out front, he's devious -Side note on overtly devious reality show contestants: Watch Survivor. Do it.

My current prediction: -mind you, I'm allowed to change my prediction at any time with no explanation for why the previous prediction failed. -You know, cus it's my blog. My current prediction is Tennille and Dave in the finals. I have this to go with: Whoopi's a winner personality wise. No one likes Kevin because regardless of what they say, everyone hates a New England accent, and Dave and Ariel are the human equivalent of unflavored ice-milk. Also, the preview showed Dave having trouble with his hand, an obvious false lead. The overall winner? I want it to be Whoopi, because I want to hear her yell about it, but I think it's going to be Dave and we'll all be forced to listen to him sleep-talk about it. That's my prediction, because that's the kind of guy I am this week.

So I wrote a blog, Small Mouth went home. Gordie's speech? "First she had a red jacket, then a blue jacket, then a black jacket. Now she has no jacket." Clever.

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