There was a lot of discussion on the couch last night about the difference between the chefs of Hell's Kitchen and the chefs of Top Chef. Why do they seem so different? Is it the networks playing to their demographic? Does Top Chef draw more talented Chefs? and if so, why? Does Gord-o specifically want amateur chefs? I don't have an answer to those questions. Sure there were some interesting theories batted around; it's the network; the shows are edited that way -you know, Fox is all trashy, Bravo is all something else; The shows have built audiences based on the atmosphere around the show, and the chefs come from those audiences. All just proverbial spaghetti thrown against the wall, I don't know if any of it stuck because I stopped caring. But I'd bet my good buddy and Pissed Off Line Cook, Mikey could chime in with some opinion.
Anywho (that might be getting over-used) how do you describe a platonic crush on a person of the opposite sex? It's not a man crush, because she's not a man, and it's not a regular crush because she's Whoopi Goldberg, but with Van gone, Tennille is keeping me in this show. Yeah, you've got Kevin who's ambitious to the point of deviousness -He tries to talk Dave out of the competition under the guise that he's legitimately concerned about Dave doing permanent damage to his hand, and you know he overcooked the rice for Whoopi's risotto on purpose -Also, what's the deal with Gord-o and risotto, he's cuckoo for risotto! You've got Dave, who's a legitimate threat despite only having one hand. The other two women are pointless to even talk about, Suzzane's got a small mouth, and Ariel seems pleasant... But, Tennille's keeping this show afloat right now. Doubt me? I present to you two incontrovertible facts:
Fact #1: She looks like Whoopi Goldberg
Fact #2: She yells everything she says!
Bonus Fact #3: Did anyone see her confessional last week? (ala MTV's Real World... I don't know what else to call it) The one where she was all "This is for anyone who's ever been told they can't do something!" She obviously really meant it, how can you not like someone like that?!
Let's get this out of the way so I can get on to my finale prediction: Some other crap happened. And ultimately, small mouth went home. It was inevitable. Kevin -in my opinion- had the worst service, you know, because he couldn't cook rice, but Whoopi and small mouth got sent up, and small mouth went home. The Girlfriend had an interesting question; She wondered if the chefs talk about the fact that their nominations don't matter because Gord-o will put up whoever he wants and it's all cut out in production to maintain the illusion that there's rules to this game. It's a good point.
I had been holding Kevin as my dark-horse winner. I'm off of it, there's too few chefs and he can't hide anymore, he's out front, he's devious -Side note on overtly devious reality show contestants: Watch Survivor. Do it.
My current prediction: -mind you, I'm allowed to change my prediction at any time with no explanation for why the previous prediction failed. -You know, cus it's my blog. My current prediction is Tennille and Dave in the finals. I have this to go with: Whoopi's a winner personality wise. No one likes Kevin because regardless of what they say, everyone hates a New England accent, and Dave and Ariel are the human equivalent of unflavored ice-milk. Also, the preview showed Dave having trouble with his hand, an obvious false lead. The overall winner? I want it to be Whoopi, because I want to hear her yell about it, but I think it's going to be Dave and we'll all be forced to listen to him sleep-talk about it. That's my prediction, because that's the kind of guy I am this week.
So I wrote a blog, Small Mouth went home. Gordie's speech? "First she had a red jacket, then a blue jacket, then a black jacket. Now she has no jacket." Clever.
Yes. This exists: http://www.rickygervais.com/index.php
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Big Bang Theory vs. Mike's Sitcom Theory
At times I'm inclined to believe that no one reads my blog. Other times I'm inclined to believe everyone reads my blog. For instance -I wrote that opening sentence once before, then I forgot to save it and rebooted my computer. I think it was better before... For instance -is it worse that I interrupt myself, or that I'm offended by it? FOR INSTANCE! ...if you watched this week's episode of The Big Bang Theory, you could easily deduce that the writers read my blog, then sat at their bull-pen style round table that all Hollywood writers have and said -all at once- "You know that guy Mike, that blogs and always thinks no one reads it, well, I read his blog. To be more specific, I read the blog he wrote last week about sitcoms. And you know what?! He's right, damnit! The sitcom is a wondrous thing, possibly the most wondrous contribution of late century western society! We've got a great sitcom here with The Big Bang Theory, let's trot it out there this week in all of it's sitcom glory!" That's what they'd all say at once while sitting around their bull-pen style round table. Also 3 of them would have their feet on the table, because they're creative types that can't be bothered with society's "rules".
Anywho, as I watched BBT this morning (c'mon! it comes on at 9:30!) I thought to myself "......." -All right, I didn't think anything specific or groundbreaking to myself. But I did find it greatly entertaining. Much more so than the season premier, and I was thrilled with the classic sitcom elements that it "rocked out with" this week. Also, this week's Simpsons was awesome.
Number one, top of the list effort this week to keep BBT in sitcom nirvana was the failure of Penny and Leonard's burgeoning romance. Let's be honest; geeks love when TV lead character geeks get the girl. This show is clearly aware of it's geek audience. I am also clearly aware that I'm a big geek and as such, I'm aware that part of me was happy when it looked like Leonard was going to get the girl. But in sitcoms as in life, what's good for the goose, is not always good for the gander -I'm aware of both the fact that I messed up that adage, and that it's lame. We've already covered that this is my blog and I do what I want.
You see, if Penny and Leonard become a couple, all of the sudden there's some reality to this show, some weight, it can't be a straight ahead sitcom. SitcomTown is built on top of landfill, and it's a very loosely packed landfill, if you start to add too much weight, or shake things up too much... BAMN! Sinkhole!. Look at The Simpsons; 20 years and how many real changes have they made? I can think of three. The death of Maude, Bleeding Gums Murphy, and Dr. Marvin Monroe. That's it. They make a joke of it: revealing that Principle Skinner is an impostor only to agree at the end of the episode that no one will ever mention it again; Adding new character Frank Grimes and killing him off by the end of the episode; but it's an important aspect of why they can hold on for 20 years (man, I'm freaking old!) they don't shake up SitcomTown, they don't pile too much weight on the landfill. BBT should take cue -of course, it's got the distinct disadvantage that it's characters will age- but it would do well to enjoy it's time in the light airy world of SitcomTown.
So can I follow all of that with a recount of the show? Sure I can.
Anywho, as I watched BBT this morning (c'mon! it comes on at 9:30!) I thought to myself "......." -All right, I didn't think anything specific or groundbreaking to myself. But I did find it greatly entertaining. Much more so than the season premier, and I was thrilled with the classic sitcom elements that it "rocked out with" this week. Also, this week's Simpsons was awesome.
Number one, top of the list effort this week to keep BBT in sitcom nirvana was the failure of Penny and Leonard's burgeoning romance. Let's be honest; geeks love when TV lead character geeks get the girl. This show is clearly aware of it's geek audience. I am also clearly aware that I'm a big geek and as such, I'm aware that part of me was happy when it looked like Leonard was going to get the girl. But in sitcoms as in life, what's good for the goose, is not always good for the gander -I'm aware of both the fact that I messed up that adage, and that it's lame. We've already covered that this is my blog and I do what I want.
You see, if Penny and Leonard become a couple, all of the sudden there's some reality to this show, some weight, it can't be a straight ahead sitcom. SitcomTown is built on top of landfill, and it's a very loosely packed landfill, if you start to add too much weight, or shake things up too much... BAMN! Sinkhole!. Look at The Simpsons; 20 years and how many real changes have they made? I can think of three. The death of Maude, Bleeding Gums Murphy, and Dr. Marvin Monroe. That's it. They make a joke of it: revealing that Principle Skinner is an impostor only to agree at the end of the episode that no one will ever mention it again; Adding new character Frank Grimes and killing him off by the end of the episode; but it's an important aspect of why they can hold on for 20 years (man, I'm freaking old!) they don't shake up SitcomTown, they don't pile too much weight on the landfill. BBT should take cue -of course, it's got the distinct disadvantage that it's characters will age- but it would do well to enjoy it's time in the light airy world of SitcomTown.
So can I follow all of that with a recount of the show? Sure I can.
Monday, September 28, 2009
The Girlfriend's so much better at this than I am
Watch Glee!!! Watch Glee!!! Watch Glee!!!
Of course, you may not find this funny or entertaining. In which case you should check your pulse. If you have confirmed that you are, in fact, alive but still do not find this entertaining ask yourself the following questions:
1) Do I like babies?... not new-borns when they're still all weird looking and crap. But babies when they've reached that stage where they're fairly normal looking and cute and can interact and what not.
2) Do I like puppies?
3) Do I like cashews on pizza?
If you answer "no" to any of those and you don't find this clip enjoyable, then don't bother watching Glee. You don't have a soul. There's no hope for you. In fact, if I were in your position, I'd move to a large city and take to the night, foraging on the leftovers of society. This is what happened to Dwanye Wayne after A Different World.
Anyway, here's the clip:
Of course, you may not find this funny or entertaining. In which case you should check your pulse. If you have confirmed that you are, in fact, alive but still do not find this entertaining ask yourself the following questions:
1) Do I like babies?... not new-borns when they're still all weird looking and crap. But babies when they've reached that stage where they're fairly normal looking and cute and can interact and what not.
2) Do I like puppies?
3) Do I like cashews on pizza?
If you answer "no" to any of those and you don't find this clip enjoyable, then don't bother watching Glee. You don't have a soul. There's no hope for you. In fact, if I were in your position, I'd move to a large city and take to the night, foraging on the leftovers of society. This is what happened to Dwanye Wayne after A Different World.
Anyway, here's the clip:
American Dad, mailing it in, and products that some teenage girl outside of Houston is in the process of loving.
It's unfortunate that the major preoccupation of my day has been whether my inability to breathe through my right nostril is constant, or at least chronic. This seems like a question that should be easily answered. If I were to keep a "which nostril can't I breathe through today" journal, I think I'd be onto something. But I don't. I don't even keep a "snarky comments on TV shows I've watched for use in my blog" journal. Luckily, I have just enough memory to hold together enough to write a blog every once in a while. If I tried to remember snarky comments about TV shows I've recently watched, and which nostril I can and can't breathe out of day to day, I'd forget how to drive.
It was a good intro, one of my best. And yet, I'm pretty sure the following paragraphs will disappoint. It just feels like that kind of blog entry, I only hope I can come up with a you-tube clip to redeem myself.
I watched American Dad this morning. Last night there was a season premiere of all four animated Fox shows; The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show (I think that's what it's called), Family Guy, and American Dad. I love the Simpsons, always have, always will. I will ignore their decline in hilariousness and relativity until I'm laying on my death-bed. At which point I'll use my last breath to admit that the last 75 seasons of the Simpsons have been "a bit of a disappointment".
Family guy -as a series- has suffered from coming late to the dance -speaking of which, watch Glee, for the love of God! WATCH GLEE!. The Simpsons and King of the Hill -Not a big King of the Hill fan, just doesn't work for me- had plenty of time to establish their characters. Family Guy showed up after the Simpsons and KOTH had hit their full stride, and as a result had to deliver immediately. Family Guy -for the most part- has been able to achieve that, but the characters never felt personal to me, when the jokes fall flat, there's never anything else there. Family Guy is a sketch-comedy show, whereas the Simpsons is a sitcom.
Astute observation. Inspired even, perhaps this blog will be saved. I'm getting off point -also, I've read ahead... the blog won't be saved. American Dad -for whatever reason- has been able to give more time to character development, and, as such, sits right at the top of the Fox animated show pile (well, maybe right below The Simpsons, who have had no drop in quality -ever!). So this morning when I thought "I have 30 minutes of TV before I absolutely have to get out the door and on my way to work, what can I watch then blog about?" -that's right, this blog is part of my morning plan. How sad is that? Don't answer that. When I was trying to figure out what to watch, American Dad was my only logical choice. The Girlfriend would want to watch The Simpsons with me, and I don't know anything about this "Cleveland Show" deal, it could be horrible, and that may put me in the wrong place going into work.
So I watched American Dad (is anyone taking bets on how many times I say "So I watched ****" during a blog? What's the over/under? 35? 40?). It was a decent episode, not season premiere quality in my mind, but acceptable. There were two central story-lines. This is standard for AD, there's a straight story-line involving one of the family, and a zany storyline involving Roger -the Family's alien, if you're not up on your AD. This week, Roger's story-line wasn't zany enough, it had it's moments, mostly centered around the meal he wanted Francine to cook for his pay-per-view Barbara covers Celine event. I believe he described the bird as "a meal so shamefully decedent that it's eaten under a napkin to hide your shame from God". Also at some point Roger dresses Klaus -The Family's Nazi war criminal transported into a fish- as the bird and uses it to trick Haley -The Daughter- into giving him the pay-per-view code. When Haley discovers that it's Klaus and not the bird Roger intends to eat: "Sorry Haley, Roger tricked me, he told me he was going to dress me up as Mr. Wendell from the Arrested Development video".
The straight story-line was, frankly, pretty boring. There was a paint-ball Vietnam war reenactment held at a country club. A few good gags, but for the most part, there just wasn't enough pay-out.
So that's my American Dad blog... I'll see what I can come up with tonight.
Happy Monday (is there a way to specifically mark a non-exclamatory sentence?)
It's official, we will live to see Humanity eat itself. I'd recommend no more than 45 seconds of this clip.
It was a good intro, one of my best. And yet, I'm pretty sure the following paragraphs will disappoint. It just feels like that kind of blog entry, I only hope I can come up with a you-tube clip to redeem myself.
I watched American Dad this morning. Last night there was a season premiere of all four animated Fox shows; The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show (I think that's what it's called), Family Guy, and American Dad. I love the Simpsons, always have, always will. I will ignore their decline in hilariousness and relativity until I'm laying on my death-bed. At which point I'll use my last breath to admit that the last 75 seasons of the Simpsons have been "a bit of a disappointment".
Family guy -as a series- has suffered from coming late to the dance -speaking of which, watch Glee, for the love of God! WATCH GLEE!. The Simpsons and King of the Hill -Not a big King of the Hill fan, just doesn't work for me- had plenty of time to establish their characters. Family Guy showed up after the Simpsons and KOTH had hit their full stride, and as a result had to deliver immediately. Family Guy -for the most part- has been able to achieve that, but the characters never felt personal to me, when the jokes fall flat, there's never anything else there. Family Guy is a sketch-comedy show, whereas the Simpsons is a sitcom.
Astute observation. Inspired even, perhaps this blog will be saved. I'm getting off point -also, I've read ahead... the blog won't be saved. American Dad -for whatever reason- has been able to give more time to character development, and, as such, sits right at the top of the Fox animated show pile (well, maybe right below The Simpsons, who have had no drop in quality -ever!). So this morning when I thought "I have 30 minutes of TV before I absolutely have to get out the door and on my way to work, what can I watch then blog about?" -that's right, this blog is part of my morning plan. How sad is that? Don't answer that. When I was trying to figure out what to watch, American Dad was my only logical choice. The Girlfriend would want to watch The Simpsons with me, and I don't know anything about this "Cleveland Show" deal, it could be horrible, and that may put me in the wrong place going into work.
So I watched American Dad (is anyone taking bets on how many times I say "So I watched ****" during a blog? What's the over/under? 35? 40?). It was a decent episode, not season premiere quality in my mind, but acceptable. There were two central story-lines. This is standard for AD, there's a straight story-line involving one of the family, and a zany storyline involving Roger -the Family's alien, if you're not up on your AD. This week, Roger's story-line wasn't zany enough, it had it's moments, mostly centered around the meal he wanted Francine to cook for his pay-per-view Barbara covers Celine event. I believe he described the bird as "a meal so shamefully decedent that it's eaten under a napkin to hide your shame from God". Also at some point Roger dresses Klaus -The Family's Nazi war criminal transported into a fish- as the bird and uses it to trick Haley -The Daughter- into giving him the pay-per-view code. When Haley discovers that it's Klaus and not the bird Roger intends to eat: "Sorry Haley, Roger tricked me, he told me he was going to dress me up as Mr. Wendell from the Arrested Development video".
The straight story-line was, frankly, pretty boring. There was a paint-ball Vietnam war reenactment held at a country club. A few good gags, but for the most part, there just wasn't enough pay-out.
So that's my American Dad blog... I'll see what I can come up with tonight.
Happy Monday (is there a way to specifically mark a non-exclamatory sentence?)
It's official, we will live to see Humanity eat itself. I'd recommend no more than 45 seconds of this clip.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
My Economic Stimulous Plan, or Mike's Free Ride
Hello Dear Readers!
I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to be a night behind the action for a while. It's just the way things are, there's a lot of TV to watch, and not and endless supply of time to watch it in. I haven't even gotten to the Big Bang Theory yet! And Survivor starts this week! How am I possibly going to be able to pull this off? I've got a plan. The blog's going pay-site- yup. I figure there's, what, like 3 of you that read this? maybe? We'll say there is. If each of you can pay, say, $30,000 a year, well that's a pretty comfortable living, and then I could concentrate full time on the blog. Of course I wouldn't work weekends, or holidays... and I couldn't be expected to put out more than 3 columns a week... but. Well, think it over, eh?
Where I started going with that is that I'm a day behind, and I'm learning to be OK with that. So today I blog about Hell's Kitchen. This was shown (and recorded by my DVR) as a two hour block, but it was really just two shows, and I only watched one -I know, this is the type of thing that could be remedied by my previously mentioned donation plan, I'm calling it "Mike's free ride". If you remember from last week -and honestly, I can't remember if I wrote about it or not- Gordie had sent small-mouth to the men's team. The men were not welcoming. Kevin was decidedly hostile -Kevin: "Suzanne, let's get one thing straight. We're not happy about this one bit. We don't like your attitude, and we don't like you." Ouch. He also told the camera that they would "rub her out, just like we rubbed out all the weak ones, we'll rub her out too"... umm, so what you're saying, Kevin, is that every time a weak chef is added to the team, you have to rub one out?
All right, all childishness aside, Suzanne VonSmallMouth actually seems to have taken the hint from everyone's stated dislike of her. She went full force into the blue team. They didn't really come around on her, granted -there were numerous shots of her trying to give input and the guys acting as though she wasn't there... like literally not there. But Blondie Blonderson was getting the same treatment on the women's side, so I'm not sure it's indicative of anything. Anywho, the chef's had to create three courses and use ingredients out of a pile of Pacific Northwest ingredients... but there was lamb, because you know, sheep just run wild up here in the northwest. So they made there meals and had some Olympic athletes (two of 'em... I don't know) come and determine which side did the bestest job -yeah, because if you want someone to judge food, get Olympic athletes, those people know their food!
So I think the blue team won, yeah, they did because the red team had to go to a farm and clean out the pig pen, a punishment Gord-o couldn't get out without laughing (he promptly told the blue team to stop laughing, cus you know, it's mean). So the blue team ate food somewhere and the red team cleaned out pig pens, and everyone smoked. (The Girlfriend is intrigued by this "Apparently 95% of chefs smoke" thing, maybe I can get her to guest blog about it... we'll see)
This was the dinner service where the chefs create their own menus and the guests order off of one or the other. In the past I remember the winning team being decided by how many people ordered off of each menu, but this season is officially off the rails, I don't think there are any rules anymore. The blue team ended up winning (Despite Van's inability to cook fish)... oh wait, they didn't win, both teams lost. But yeah, Van couldn't cook fish, and apparently doesn't do well under pressure (good choice of career). Funny he said he can't handle people yelling at him, but he's got -what appears to me- to be a blatant military haircut, and the military's all about the yelling, right?
So Van and Blondie Blonderson (she couldn't cook fish either, maybe it's not them maybe they got some kind of heat resistant Halibut) got put up, Van goes on a tirade and Blondie gets sent home... At the end of every episode, Chef does a little voice-over while he hangs up the chef's coat and their portrait bursts into flames... his voice over this week was priceless;
Gord-o: "Sabrina wanted to be the head chef at Whistler, now all she has to do is take those red lips and whistle her way out of here". Man Chef Ramsey can turn a phrase! You see, when she came in she had her red lipstick and her hair did, she was big bitch on the block... actually those are her words. yup.
All right, one last thing. Progressive commercials. I know there's only 4 of us (honestly, am I being overly optimistic?) but let's see what we can do about this, eh? Certainly we can each tell two people and they can tell two people and eventually we'll have that Flo lady finding another character to play. I was going to embed a Progressive commercial here, but after writing that sentence, I'm just too mad.
Also, two recommendations; 1) if you're ever going to watch an episode of Survivor, watch tonight, the first episode is always by far the best and 2) Find the Magic Bullet infomercial... that's it. do it. Stay with it. You'll thank me.
I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to be a night behind the action for a while. It's just the way things are, there's a lot of TV to watch, and not and endless supply of time to watch it in. I haven't even gotten to the Big Bang Theory yet! And Survivor starts this week! How am I possibly going to be able to pull this off? I've got a plan. The blog's going pay-site- yup. I figure there's, what, like 3 of you that read this? maybe? We'll say there is. If each of you can pay, say, $30,000 a year, well that's a pretty comfortable living, and then I could concentrate full time on the blog. Of course I wouldn't work weekends, or holidays... and I couldn't be expected to put out more than 3 columns a week... but. Well, think it over, eh?
Where I started going with that is that I'm a day behind, and I'm learning to be OK with that. So today I blog about Hell's Kitchen. This was shown (and recorded by my DVR) as a two hour block, but it was really just two shows, and I only watched one -I know, this is the type of thing that could be remedied by my previously mentioned donation plan, I'm calling it "Mike's free ride". If you remember from last week -and honestly, I can't remember if I wrote about it or not- Gordie had sent small-mouth to the men's team. The men were not welcoming. Kevin was decidedly hostile -Kevin: "Suzanne, let's get one thing straight. We're not happy about this one bit. We don't like your attitude, and we don't like you." Ouch. He also told the camera that they would "rub her out, just like we rubbed out all the weak ones, we'll rub her out too"... umm, so what you're saying, Kevin, is that every time a weak chef is added to the team, you have to rub one out?
All right, all childishness aside, Suzanne VonSmallMouth actually seems to have taken the hint from everyone's stated dislike of her. She went full force into the blue team. They didn't really come around on her, granted -there were numerous shots of her trying to give input and the guys acting as though she wasn't there... like literally not there. But Blondie Blonderson was getting the same treatment on the women's side, so I'm not sure it's indicative of anything. Anywho, the chef's had to create three courses and use ingredients out of a pile of Pacific Northwest ingredients... but there was lamb, because you know, sheep just run wild up here in the northwest. So they made there meals and had some Olympic athletes (two of 'em... I don't know) come and determine which side did the bestest job -yeah, because if you want someone to judge food, get Olympic athletes, those people know their food!
So I think the blue team won, yeah, they did because the red team had to go to a farm and clean out the pig pen, a punishment Gord-o couldn't get out without laughing (he promptly told the blue team to stop laughing, cus you know, it's mean). So the blue team ate food somewhere and the red team cleaned out pig pens, and everyone smoked. (The Girlfriend is intrigued by this "Apparently 95% of chefs smoke" thing, maybe I can get her to guest blog about it... we'll see)
This was the dinner service where the chefs create their own menus and the guests order off of one or the other. In the past I remember the winning team being decided by how many people ordered off of each menu, but this season is officially off the rails, I don't think there are any rules anymore. The blue team ended up winning (Despite Van's inability to cook fish)... oh wait, they didn't win, both teams lost. But yeah, Van couldn't cook fish, and apparently doesn't do well under pressure (good choice of career). Funny he said he can't handle people yelling at him, but he's got -what appears to me- to be a blatant military haircut, and the military's all about the yelling, right?
So Van and Blondie Blonderson (she couldn't cook fish either, maybe it's not them maybe they got some kind of heat resistant Halibut) got put up, Van goes on a tirade and Blondie gets sent home... At the end of every episode, Chef does a little voice-over while he hangs up the chef's coat and their portrait bursts into flames... his voice over this week was priceless;
Gord-o: "Sabrina wanted to be the head chef at Whistler, now all she has to do is take those red lips and whistle her way out of here". Man Chef Ramsey can turn a phrase! You see, when she came in she had her red lipstick and her hair did, she was big bitch on the block... actually those are her words. yup.
All right, one last thing. Progressive commercials. I know there's only 4 of us (honestly, am I being overly optimistic?) but let's see what we can do about this, eh? Certainly we can each tell two people and they can tell two people and eventually we'll have that Flo lady finding another character to play. I was going to embed a Progressive commercial here, but after writing that sentence, I'm just too mad.
Also, two recommendations; 1) if you're ever going to watch an episode of Survivor, watch tonight, the first episode is always by far the best and 2) Find the Magic Bullet infomercial... that's it. do it. Stay with it. You'll thank me.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
How I Met Your Mother, Passed in My Man Card, and Took Way Too Long to Post, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Sitcom
All right, I'm back after an extended hiatus -I know, I never take a break, it's impossible to believe I could now! I also never type in bold italics for emphasis, or dream of building a robot. Regardless! Here's my Tuesday morning promise to you: I will write a blog about How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory every Tuesday morning. Now that I've made that promise: I didn't watch Big Bang Theory. But the blog continues!
Here's the deal. I grew up on the sitcom. The Cosby Show, Cheers, Family Ties, Perfect Strangers, Growing Pains, etc... this is where my love for TV comes from. So when I come across the sitcom done well, it touches me in a place so deep, if the prosecutor were to ask me to show on the doll where the sitcom touched me, I'd have to tear it at the seams and point to the stuffing that had sprung from inside. Sitcoms reside in a place so deep within me, it's can't physically exist. A place that would be dark and cold had my parents denied me 8:00 TV on weeknights and made me read.
I'm sure you're asking your imaginary representation of me at this point "But imaginary representation of Mike, you always write about reality TV, and now you're professing your love for the sitcom, what gives?!"
See, I love reality TV, and I've spent a fair amount of time here demonstrating that, but if you were to look closely at the glowing reflection in my tears, you would not see confessionals, producer manipulated drama, and ignored camera crews. You would see a single camera, no more than three sets on an average night, broadly drawn characters, and people behaving in ways outside the realm of normalcy. Fair enough, the last two cross the board, but my point is that I love sitcoms. And because I love sitcoms, I love the fall, which brings with it a vast array of TV joy; new shows, new episodes of my favorite shows, football -and therefore guaranteed Sundays on the couch, and so on and so forth.
But I'm way off topic. This blog's topic is How I Met Your Mother, and how much I love How I Met Your Mother. If Big Bang Theory is sitcom by-the-books, then HIMYM is sitcom within throwing distance of the books -my 94 year old grandmother's throwing distance of the books (which is still quite impressive for being 94). For one, there's a story line, and it's comprehension is necessary for complete appreciation of the show. I found myself explaining to The Girlfriend the back story in preparation for the show, because I realized how much of it wouldn't make sense if she didn't know -she's never watched. The Cosby Show, Cheers, any of the classic "sitcoms" that wouldn't have to happen. You could jump in at any episode, and receive at least 75% of the full appreciation. Big Bang Theory falls under that definition, also Better off Ted -which misses other classic sitcom qualities, but is a fantastic show. HIMYM does not.
The Girlfriend pointed out the re-use of a phrase throughout the show as vaguely Seinfeldian (yup, actual term used -and, to my knowledge, coined- by The Girlfriend). She's right, and it's done often in HIMYM. Last night was reference to "The Talk". "The Talk" being the talk in which two people who have previously just been -as the kids say- "hooking up" decide what kind of relationship they want to have with each other.
Which brings us to the plot of last night's HIMYM; Barney and Robin (Neal Patrick Harris and some lady who deserves for me to know her name) have spent the summer hooking up, but have refused to define their relationship. Every time they begin to have "the talk" they just end up sleeping together instead. The rest of the cast, except wet blanket and narrator Ted (who spends the show teaching his first Architecture 101 class... kinda) urge NPH and LWDFMTKHN to define their relationship, to the point of locking them in their bedroom until they come up with a suitable definition. That essentially the plot, any more than that would ruin the outcome.
HIMYM seems to have discarded some of Barney's (NPH) standards; I didn't see any high-fives, he never uttered the word "Legendary", and I think they did it at the perfect time. Legendary had traveled as far as it could being repeated to the extent that it was, having it show up occasionally is the only way to go now. The important thing -for the show- is that they manage to do do this and stay true to his character: Early on we see Ted and Barney in the Irish pub downstairs from Ted's apartment wearing tuxedos -Marshal: "Why don't I ever get invited to Tuxedo night?!"- and Barney is explaining to Ted how to keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend using the rules for keeping Mogwai from turning into Gremlins -Follow up question from Ted: "How do you choose a tie?" Barney: "Simple. Do you remember Terminator?"
Some more highlights from the show: the status of Robin and Barney's relationship is tested when she goes to a hockey game with the bartender of their local watering hole. It's a great part of the episode; Robin yells incomprehensibly at the hockey players -Robin's character is and over-the-top Canadian stereotype-, Bartender man is only too happy to have "The Talk" which for him starts out with "I was born a little different", and Barney -in a fit of jealousy- punches Bartender, and promptly falls to the floor crying something along the lines of "We've been fighting all night, let's give this a rest and declare a truce". Also, the hockey scene reveals that home ice for the New York Rangers has only 5 rows of bleachers (The Girlfriend in response to this observation: "Yeah, it's a sitcom").
I see this as being the last season of HIMYM, I'm not sure how they can stretch it much farther (if you're following the plot line, you know that the titular "Mother" is in the class that Ted mistakenly taught architecture 101 to). It's off to a good start, definitely worth watching.
That's all I've got for today, likely nothing tomorrow as I'll being watching Pearl Jam tonight instead of TV. But I'll be back Thursday after Wednesday's Mammoth Night of TV.
Here's the deal. I grew up on the sitcom. The Cosby Show, Cheers, Family Ties, Perfect Strangers, Growing Pains, etc... this is where my love for TV comes from. So when I come across the sitcom done well, it touches me in a place so deep, if the prosecutor were to ask me to show on the doll where the sitcom touched me, I'd have to tear it at the seams and point to the stuffing that had sprung from inside. Sitcoms reside in a place so deep within me, it's can't physically exist. A place that would be dark and cold had my parents denied me 8:00 TV on weeknights and made me read.
I'm sure you're asking your imaginary representation of me at this point "But imaginary representation of Mike, you always write about reality TV, and now you're professing your love for the sitcom, what gives?!"
See, I love reality TV, and I've spent a fair amount of time here demonstrating that, but if you were to look closely at the glowing reflection in my tears, you would not see confessionals, producer manipulated drama, and ignored camera crews. You would see a single camera, no more than three sets on an average night, broadly drawn characters, and people behaving in ways outside the realm of normalcy. Fair enough, the last two cross the board, but my point is that I love sitcoms. And because I love sitcoms, I love the fall, which brings with it a vast array of TV joy; new shows, new episodes of my favorite shows, football -and therefore guaranteed Sundays on the couch, and so on and so forth.
But I'm way off topic. This blog's topic is How I Met Your Mother, and how much I love How I Met Your Mother. If Big Bang Theory is sitcom by-the-books, then HIMYM is sitcom within throwing distance of the books -my 94 year old grandmother's throwing distance of the books (which is still quite impressive for being 94). For one, there's a story line, and it's comprehension is necessary for complete appreciation of the show. I found myself explaining to The Girlfriend the back story in preparation for the show, because I realized how much of it wouldn't make sense if she didn't know -she's never watched. The Cosby Show, Cheers, any of the classic "sitcoms" that wouldn't have to happen. You could jump in at any episode, and receive at least 75% of the full appreciation. Big Bang Theory falls under that definition, also Better off Ted -which misses other classic sitcom qualities, but is a fantastic show. HIMYM does not.
The Girlfriend pointed out the re-use of a phrase throughout the show as vaguely Seinfeldian (yup, actual term used -and, to my knowledge, coined- by The Girlfriend). She's right, and it's done often in HIMYM. Last night was reference to "The Talk". "The Talk" being the talk in which two people who have previously just been -as the kids say- "hooking up" decide what kind of relationship they want to have with each other.
Which brings us to the plot of last night's HIMYM; Barney and Robin (Neal Patrick Harris and some lady who deserves for me to know her name) have spent the summer hooking up, but have refused to define their relationship. Every time they begin to have "the talk" they just end up sleeping together instead. The rest of the cast, except wet blanket and narrator Ted (who spends the show teaching his first Architecture 101 class... kinda) urge NPH and LWDFMTKHN to define their relationship, to the point of locking them in their bedroom until they come up with a suitable definition. That essentially the plot, any more than that would ruin the outcome.
HIMYM seems to have discarded some of Barney's (NPH) standards; I didn't see any high-fives, he never uttered the word "Legendary", and I think they did it at the perfect time. Legendary had traveled as far as it could being repeated to the extent that it was, having it show up occasionally is the only way to go now. The important thing -for the show- is that they manage to do do this and stay true to his character: Early on we see Ted and Barney in the Irish pub downstairs from Ted's apartment wearing tuxedos -Marshal: "Why don't I ever get invited to Tuxedo night?!"- and Barney is explaining to Ted how to keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend using the rules for keeping Mogwai from turning into Gremlins -Follow up question from Ted: "How do you choose a tie?" Barney: "Simple. Do you remember Terminator?"
Some more highlights from the show: the status of Robin and Barney's relationship is tested when she goes to a hockey game with the bartender of their local watering hole. It's a great part of the episode; Robin yells incomprehensibly at the hockey players -Robin's character is and over-the-top Canadian stereotype-, Bartender man is only too happy to have "The Talk" which for him starts out with "I was born a little different", and Barney -in a fit of jealousy- punches Bartender, and promptly falls to the floor crying something along the lines of "We've been fighting all night, let's give this a rest and declare a truce". Also, the hockey scene reveals that home ice for the New York Rangers has only 5 rows of bleachers (The Girlfriend in response to this observation: "Yeah, it's a sitcom").
I see this as being the last season of HIMYM, I'm not sure how they can stretch it much farther (if you're following the plot line, you know that the titular "Mother" is in the class that Ted mistakenly taught architecture 101 to). It's off to a good start, definitely worth watching.
That's all I've got for today, likely nothing tomorrow as I'll being watching Pearl Jam tonight instead of TV. But I'll be back Thursday after Wednesday's Mammoth Night of TV.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Twilight is Going Totally International and Crap
So wait, did Dan Brown write the second Twilight book?
Credit to The Girlfriend
The Girlfriend pointed this out to me: She's a very funny woman.
Notice: All of the women in this commercial who's "Birth Control failed" not only "felt like they were alone", they were actually left alone in their beds.
I'd like to suggest an alternate tag line; "For when you were too drunk to be sure he did it right, or know what time he left"
Notice: All of the women in this commercial who's "Birth Control failed" not only "felt like they were alone", they were actually left alone in their beds.
I'd like to suggest an alternate tag line; "For when you were too drunk to be sure he did it right, or know what time he left"
Fine! I'll blog about America's Next Top Model! But I won't type Tyra's made up words!
Holy Jesus!
I said I wasn't going to write about America's Next Top Model, but I have to. Why? Cus Tyra Banks be crazy! Crazy! Wow.
I'm pretty sure if you turn the volume up real loud on that you can hear the screams of hell. I'm pretty sure that when they boarded the ship in Event Horizon and reviewed the logs that showed the horrific events that had resulted in the disappearance of the crew, somewhere this clip was included.
This episode was light on bloody eyeball, which I found disappointing. And they offed two of the models that I thought were the least insufferable.
Also, they bleached the hair and eyebrows of two of the girls which makes them look like creepy immortal beings, and every once in a while (unfortunately, not enough) they'll sit really close to each other and it looks like the cover of a techno album (I'd imagine, I don't actually listen to techno).
Any other thoughts on America's Next Top Model? Not really, I dislike Tyra Banks more than I thought I would (and I wasn't coming in with high hopes) and I like Miss J more than I thought I would, he's really quite likable, especially next to Tyra.
I'm done.
Right now any reader who happened to see the show (that would whittle my audience down to The Girlfriend) is probably asking herself (yep, I'm that sure it's only the Girlfriend) "Wait, how could he write the whole blog without mentioning the made up word that Tyra kept using, and forcing other people to use?". Well, this is the deal, dear The Girlfriend; I just don't want to give that word any more of a push. Granted my added momentum would be equivalent to a fly running into the tail end of a 747, but I don't want to take any chances.
I said I wasn't going to write about America's Next Top Model, but I have to. Why? Cus Tyra Banks be crazy! Crazy! Wow.
I'm pretty sure if you turn the volume up real loud on that you can hear the screams of hell. I'm pretty sure that when they boarded the ship in Event Horizon and reviewed the logs that showed the horrific events that had resulted in the disappearance of the crew, somewhere this clip was included.
This episode was light on bloody eyeball, which I found disappointing. And they offed two of the models that I thought were the least insufferable.
Also, they bleached the hair and eyebrows of two of the girls which makes them look like creepy immortal beings, and every once in a while (unfortunately, not enough) they'll sit really close to each other and it looks like the cover of a techno album (I'd imagine, I don't actually listen to techno).
Any other thoughts on America's Next Top Model? Not really, I dislike Tyra Banks more than I thought I would (and I wasn't coming in with high hopes) and I like Miss J more than I thought I would, he's really quite likable, especially next to Tyra.
I'm done.
Right now any reader who happened to see the show (that would whittle my audience down to The Girlfriend) is probably asking herself (yep, I'm that sure it's only the Girlfriend) "Wait, how could he write the whole blog without mentioning the made up word that Tyra kept using, and forcing other people to use?". Well, this is the deal, dear The Girlfriend; I just don't want to give that word any more of a push. Granted my added momentum would be equivalent to a fly running into the tail end of a 747, but I don't want to take any chances.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
"Design Star Finale" or "Who Do More Design Star Judges Want To Do?"
Design Star ended Sunday night.
That's the end of my blog.
Well, not really (I know, I totally had you fooled, right?). So Sunday night I was all "Can't watch Design Star tonight, I gotta get to bed!" So I did, but then Monday morning I was all "I want more stuff to do at work!" I suppose this is one of those be careful what you wish for things, but uh. Anyway, here we are, and I've done something to my keyboard that makes quotation marks act funny... and I'm in IT... can't figure it out.
Anyway, Design Star! Here's the dizzle; Antonio won. I know. Here's the thizzle; The Girlfriend and I turned on the Design Star like three weeks in and immediately said "Oh, Antonio's the winner". Nothing has changed. Dan has had a number of moronic moves (ie. buying a gazebo with 40% of their backyard remodel budget). Antonio? He "decorated like a hobbit"-according to Vern, who totally has it out for Antonio -And I'll tell you why- He's all up in Dan's shizzy. That's right, all up in his shizzy. How then -you ask- does Antonio pull off the win when one of the judges clearly has an eye on Dan's bizzle? Easy! The other two judges are eyeing Antonio's bizzle. Don't believe it's as simple as that? You're wrong.
Really though, watch the last two episodes it's clear that the judges are divided along sexy lines-with sexy results! No sexy results, sorry. But there was some full house makeovers -ooh, remodels. Dan is all about mirrors, seriously, Dan's remodel had so many mirrors that the reflected light that escapes the house will actually help slow global warming -so many mirrors.
He also covered up a window, which both Vern and I think is stupid, but Vern wants his dizzle, so Vern thinks it works this time. Other than that, I'm not really sure what happened with Dan. There were some purple walls.
Antonio's remodel did not include 10,000 mirrors, but it did include 10,000 monkeys at 10,000 typewriters. That's not true. Honestly, I was attentively watching Design Star last night, there just wasn't much there. Maybe because they were remodeling a whole house, there was less time for individual items to stand out? Maybe the show was only 20 minutes long and I blacked out for 40 minutes... I'm not sure. One thing is certain, Antonio's remodel was better. Everyone thought so, except Vern, and we've been through that. The other thing that stood out to me, is that while Dan seems to get along fine with his carpenters, his relationship with them is very much like any other HGTV host; He's clearly separate from them. Antonio? Not so much. It's interesting, it's more than just a "Heeey, I'm a regular guy like you" thing. Antonio really can run a team of carpenters. It's an interesting difference between the two, and I think it resulted in Antonio getting better results.
Anywho, my most frantic and scattered blog to date will end as it started... well, it won't really. but it will end.
Long Live Antonio!!!!
That's the end of my blog.
Well, not really (I know, I totally had you fooled, right?). So Sunday night I was all "Can't watch Design Star tonight, I gotta get to bed!" So I did, but then Monday morning I was all "I want more stuff to do at work!" I suppose this is one of those be careful what you wish for things, but uh. Anyway, here we are, and I've done something to my keyboard that makes quotation marks act funny... and I'm in IT... can't figure it out.
Anyway, Design Star! Here's the dizzle; Antonio won. I know. Here's the thizzle; The Girlfriend and I turned on the Design Star like three weeks in and immediately said "Oh, Antonio's the winner". Nothing has changed. Dan has had a number of moronic moves (ie. buying a gazebo with 40% of their backyard remodel budget). Antonio? He "decorated like a hobbit"-according to Vern, who totally has it out for Antonio -And I'll tell you why- He's all up in Dan's shizzy. That's right, all up in his shizzy. How then -you ask- does Antonio pull off the win when one of the judges clearly has an eye on Dan's bizzle? Easy! The other two judges are eyeing Antonio's bizzle. Don't believe it's as simple as that? You're wrong.
Really though, watch the last two episodes it's clear that the judges are divided along sexy lines-with sexy results! No sexy results, sorry. But there was some full house makeovers -ooh, remodels. Dan is all about mirrors, seriously, Dan's remodel had so many mirrors that the reflected light that escapes the house will actually help slow global warming -so many mirrors.
He also covered up a window, which both Vern and I think is stupid, but Vern wants his dizzle, so Vern thinks it works this time. Other than that, I'm not really sure what happened with Dan. There were some purple walls.
Antonio's remodel did not include 10,000 mirrors, but it did include 10,000 monkeys at 10,000 typewriters. That's not true. Honestly, I was attentively watching Design Star last night, there just wasn't much there. Maybe because they were remodeling a whole house, there was less time for individual items to stand out? Maybe the show was only 20 minutes long and I blacked out for 40 minutes... I'm not sure. One thing is certain, Antonio's remodel was better. Everyone thought so, except Vern, and we've been through that. The other thing that stood out to me, is that while Dan seems to get along fine with his carpenters, his relationship with them is very much like any other HGTV host; He's clearly separate from them. Antonio? Not so much. It's interesting, it's more than just a "Heeey, I'm a regular guy like you" thing. Antonio really can run a team of carpenters. It's an interesting difference between the two, and I think it resulted in Antonio getting better results.
Anywho, my most frantic and scattered blog to date will end as it started... well, it won't really. but it will end.
Long Live Antonio!!!!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Jamaica Has a Bobsled Team
Well Dear reader(s),
I just don't have anything to blog about. I watched some good stuff this weekend, but here's the thing; is anyone still waiting to hear my thoughts on Thursday night's Top Chef? Nope, me neither. For the record, though I would like to point out that Top Chef's theme this week was French Cuisine. Hell's Kitchen's theme last week? Yup. French cooking. It's a little fish in a barrel, no? I write something in my totally obscure blog that gets read by 3 people (I'm including myself) and it comes true. What was that movie with John Candy where he was a Soap Opera writer who ended up inside his Soap for some reason, and everything he wrote came true? Cool Runnings? Anyway, I feel like that. Then someone came to Mikes house for some reason and gave him a shoe-box full of $100s.
Some notes: (Is the "notes" thing lazy? Or should I completely abandon prose for bullet points?)
-(Top Chef) Frenchie Red-Kerchief -still wearing his signature "boyscout who joined 'the Bloods'" Kerchief- thought he had this one in the bag, you know, cus he's french... but he blew it, even ended up in the bottom group!
- (Top Chef) Also, The woman who's all bitchy, professional, and good got paired up with one of the twins, I don't know if it was douchy twin or boring twin. Either way, she was all up in his bizzy. -Classic quote: "I think his rabbit would be great in my sauce." yikes.
-Two big blogging possibilities came out of this weekend 1) Vampire Diaries... it's bad, like really bad. So much so that I think it might be exceptional in it's drudgery. 2) America's Next Top Model. Say what you will about ANTM and any questions that may arise from me blogging about it, but there's some good stuff here. We were mere inches from having one of the craziest christian girls ever to evolve from monkeys on this season. She got selected, but dropped out for reasons unknown. Also, there's a purposefully anti-social girl who claims that her nickname growing up was "bloody eyeball". I'm sure that it was.
I'll have a "Design Star Finale" blog tomorrow... didn't have time to watch it last night.
Sweet!
I just don't have anything to blog about. I watched some good stuff this weekend, but here's the thing; is anyone still waiting to hear my thoughts on Thursday night's Top Chef? Nope, me neither. For the record, though I would like to point out that Top Chef's theme this week was French Cuisine. Hell's Kitchen's theme last week? Yup. French cooking. It's a little fish in a barrel, no? I write something in my totally obscure blog that gets read by 3 people (I'm including myself) and it comes true. What was that movie with John Candy where he was a Soap Opera writer who ended up inside his Soap for some reason, and everything he wrote came true? Cool Runnings? Anyway, I feel like that. Then someone came to Mikes house for some reason and gave him a shoe-box full of $100s.
Some notes: (Is the "notes" thing lazy? Or should I completely abandon prose for bullet points?)
-(Top Chef) Frenchie Red-Kerchief -still wearing his signature "boyscout who joined 'the Bloods'" Kerchief- thought he had this one in the bag, you know, cus he's french... but he blew it, even ended up in the bottom group!
- (Top Chef) Also, The woman who's all bitchy, professional, and good got paired up with one of the twins, I don't know if it was douchy twin or boring twin. Either way, she was all up in his bizzy. -Classic quote: "I think his rabbit would be great in my sauce." yikes.
-Two big blogging possibilities came out of this weekend 1) Vampire Diaries... it's bad, like really bad. So much so that I think it might be exceptional in it's drudgery. 2) America's Next Top Model. Say what you will about ANTM and any questions that may arise from me blogging about it, but there's some good stuff here. We were mere inches from having one of the craziest christian girls ever to evolve from monkeys on this season. She got selected, but dropped out for reasons unknown. Also, there's a purposefully anti-social girl who claims that her nickname growing up was "bloody eyeball". I'm sure that it was.
I'll have a "Design Star Finale" blog tomorrow... didn't have time to watch it last night.
Sweet!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Glee, confronting my shortcommings, and emerging from deep primeval swamp that is Wednesday night fall TV programing
There is nothing like running up against your shortcomings to keep you young. Last night The Girlfriend and I sat down to watch Glee and it occurred to me "Crap, I don't know if I can blog about a fictional show!" I'm sure I'd be a lot better off if I'd drop my "I won't take notes" policy, but I'm not there yet. And despite The Girlfriend's cries from the shores of Supportia, I'm just not sure I can bring myself to do it, I get a lot of mileage out of doing things half-assed.
Of course there were a billion shows on last night, so many shows, in fact, that I'm amazed we were able to get all of them onto the DVR. Last night we had the premiere of Glee, Next Top Model (I know), and So You think you can Dance, as well as new episodes of Top Chef and Ghost Hunters -Ghost Hunters is a fantastic show, just give it a watch or two, it's on the SciFi channel 14 hours a day. You'll thank me.
Anywho, in the face of so much TV we opted to watch the first part of SYTYCD and Glee. SYTYCD is starting another season after finishing up it's last one like 2 weeks ago, pretty soon they're going to be running back to back seasons. The next couple weeks are auditions, which for me always dances on the line between funny and too much. Reality contest auditions were going well until American Idol made fun of the fat kid who was clearly mentally disabled a few years back. Honestly, that kind of killed reality TV contest audition shows for me -thank you American Idol- Ooh Speaking of American Idol, I just found out who's replacing Paula!!! Ellen DeGeneres. I wish there were a way to write the disappointed trombone sound... you know the one. Clearly American Idol has jumped the shark... also clearly "jump the shark" jumped the shark so long ago that I'm not sure if I'm ashamed of myself for using it. Regardless, I love me some American Idol, I've forgiven it of worse crimes -as mentioned above- so I will give the show the benefit of the doubt. Prove me wrong American Idol!
Back to SYTYCD, two things keep me watching this show; Fist, Cat Deeley. Hands down my favorite reality TV host. Even Jeff Probst -my second favorite reality TV host- has moments where I want him to shut up. I never want Cat Deeley to shut up. She's delightful, and 14 feet tall, which makes for great awkward hugs with the dancers.
The other reason I watch SYTYCD? There are some legitimately unbelievable athletic feats performed on this show. Seriously, some of these people are un-real. It's like the NBA in it's wow-factor. But it's also like the NBA in that I pretty quickly tire of it enough that I can't ignore the absurdity. But with the current Wednesday competition, I'm not sure that's a bad thing. So I won't be blogging about it anymore.
Let's talk about Glee. Here's what concerns me; this show is good. It's funny. It's surface funny, like when cheerleading coach/gym teacher(?) Sue (played perfectly by Jane Lynch) suggests that the Finn and Rachel should be "hobbled" as punishment for using the Cheerleaders private copy-machine. But it's also funny in a more subtle way -at least I think it's subtle, I could be a elitist... OK, I am and elitist. It's laughing at itself, and it's laughing hard. There are moments of genuine discomfort that -if you're not in on the joke- may be too much to bear. Like the way that the Glee performances are obviously overdubbed -and way cheesy, or the way it teases with the threat of characters breaking into song musical style repeatedly but rarely delivers. Few shows can get away with playing around with discomfort. The Office does it, and it succeeds because the characters are so likable. I get the feeling from the first two episodes that Glee has enough likability with the characters to keep it around for a few seasons... if only it weren't on Fox.
Key Moments:
-The Principle responding to Sue's outrage that her dry-cleaning budget is being cut to help the Glee club: "The dry cleaners we have are just as good as the those in Europe"
- The first sequence features a conversation in which Sue is trying to intimidate Will (played by Matthew Morrison, another truly likable character):
Sue: "Iron Tablet? They keep your strength up while you're menstruating"
Will: "I don't menstruate"
Sue: "Yeah? Neither do I"
- During a meeting of the "celibacy club" Finn reveals that to keep from prematurely ejaculating while making out with his girlfriend, he thinks the time he ran over the mailman with a car.
-Sue: "That the most offense thing I've seen since an elementary school production of Hair!"
More Sue -she's obviously the heavy lifter on this show:
Of course there were a billion shows on last night, so many shows, in fact, that I'm amazed we were able to get all of them onto the DVR. Last night we had the premiere of Glee, Next Top Model (I know), and So You think you can Dance, as well as new episodes of Top Chef and Ghost Hunters -Ghost Hunters is a fantastic show, just give it a watch or two, it's on the SciFi channel 14 hours a day. You'll thank me.
Anywho, in the face of so much TV we opted to watch the first part of SYTYCD and Glee. SYTYCD is starting another season after finishing up it's last one like 2 weeks ago, pretty soon they're going to be running back to back seasons. The next couple weeks are auditions, which for me always dances on the line between funny and too much. Reality contest auditions were going well until American Idol made fun of the fat kid who was clearly mentally disabled a few years back. Honestly, that kind of killed reality TV contest audition shows for me -thank you American Idol- Ooh Speaking of American Idol, I just found out who's replacing Paula!!! Ellen DeGeneres. I wish there were a way to write the disappointed trombone sound... you know the one. Clearly American Idol has jumped the shark... also clearly "jump the shark" jumped the shark so long ago that I'm not sure if I'm ashamed of myself for using it. Regardless, I love me some American Idol, I've forgiven it of worse crimes -as mentioned above- so I will give the show the benefit of the doubt. Prove me wrong American Idol!
Back to SYTYCD, two things keep me watching this show; Fist, Cat Deeley. Hands down my favorite reality TV host. Even Jeff Probst -my second favorite reality TV host- has moments where I want him to shut up. I never want Cat Deeley to shut up. She's delightful, and 14 feet tall, which makes for great awkward hugs with the dancers.
The other reason I watch SYTYCD? There are some legitimately unbelievable athletic feats performed on this show. Seriously, some of these people are un-real. It's like the NBA in it's wow-factor. But it's also like the NBA in that I pretty quickly tire of it enough that I can't ignore the absurdity. But with the current Wednesday competition, I'm not sure that's a bad thing. So I won't be blogging about it anymore.
Let's talk about Glee. Here's what concerns me; this show is good. It's funny. It's surface funny, like when cheerleading coach/gym teacher(?) Sue (played perfectly by Jane Lynch) suggests that the Finn and Rachel should be "hobbled" as punishment for using the Cheerleaders private copy-machine. But it's also funny in a more subtle way -at least I think it's subtle, I could be a elitist... OK, I am and elitist. It's laughing at itself, and it's laughing hard. There are moments of genuine discomfort that -if you're not in on the joke- may be too much to bear. Like the way that the Glee performances are obviously overdubbed -and way cheesy, or the way it teases with the threat of characters breaking into song musical style repeatedly but rarely delivers. Few shows can get away with playing around with discomfort. The Office does it, and it succeeds because the characters are so likable. I get the feeling from the first two episodes that Glee has enough likability with the characters to keep it around for a few seasons... if only it weren't on Fox.
Key Moments:
-The Principle responding to Sue's outrage that her dry-cleaning budget is being cut to help the Glee club: "The dry cleaners we have are just as good as the those in Europe"
- The first sequence features a conversation in which Sue is trying to intimidate Will (played by Matthew Morrison, another truly likable character):
Sue: "Iron Tablet? They keep your strength up while you're menstruating"
Will: "I don't menstruate"
Sue: "Yeah? Neither do I"
- During a meeting of the "celibacy club" Finn reveals that to keep from prematurely ejaculating while making out with his girlfriend, he thinks the time he ran over the mailman with a car.
-Sue: "That the most offense thing I've seen since an elementary school production of Hair!"
More Sue -she's obviously the heavy lifter on this show:
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
From the desk of the "Fortune cookie companies are amusing themselves at my expense" Department
I received the following fortune in a recent fortune cookie:
Should I be insulted? Embarrassed? A little sleepy? I'm just not sure how to feel here.
"You constantly struggle for self improvement - and it shows"
Should I be insulted? Embarrassed? A little sleepy? I'm just not sure how to feel here.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Get away from my cubicle, Weird-o! I'm trying to publish my blog!
Great episode of Hell's Kitchen last night. Of course the first item on the "Why do you claim that last night's episode of Hell's Kitchen was great as apposed to merely adequate?" list is that Andy cut his freaking fingers off! It was gnarly too! Seriously, I rewound the DVR because The Girlfriend didn't see it; I'm not easily queased (I know, but this is my blog, I decide what is and isn't a word), but on second time through I had to look away. Yikes. Unfortunately, no clip.
Andy's poorly executed run-in with the mandoline came- Wait, tangent; I watched "World's Greatest Dad" last night, I thought it was pretty good. That's not the point, the point is, Bruce Hornsby was in it -He wrote "Mandolin Rain" I know, different kind of mandolin(e). Obviously his career was not built on his outward appearance. Of course that asks the question, what's his career based on?
So, Andy's run in with the mandoline was really where this episode got interesting -except Dave's abortion of a desert crepe- speaking of Dave, watch this clip:
There's something wrong with this guy, I can't pin it down. Not I can't pin down what's wrong with him, I can't pin down what makes me think there's something wrong with him - Can I get a little help?
So Andy came back from the medics right before dinner service and was unable to complete any task -you know, because he cut his freaking fingers off! Here's the deal, Andy: Dave -there's just something wrong with that guy- has been working with one hand in a cast this whole time. Kevin -my darkhorse vote for the winner- has some kind of foot injury (They keep referring to it, but I don't know what it is). My point is this, both those guys are kicking ass right now, Andy's got a pass on dinner service if he stays out, but if he comes back, his injury is no excuse in the face of the two other guys. That's my point.Obviously Andy was a mess, but the women's kitchen -after seeing Suzanne take a run at a creepy attempt to become a "team player"- fell apart again this week, all in all, Gord-o kicked three people out of the kitchen! Andy, Sabrina, and Suzanne were all kicked out. The blue team finished service with three people, and the red with two!
In the end Gord-o instructed both teams to work together to pick two. They originally picked Andy and Suzanne. Someone pointed out that if they put Andy and Suzanne up, Gord-o would certainly send Andy home. Of course everyone really wants Suzanne to go home. The Girlfriend pointed out that "[Gord-o's] going to call up whoever he wants anyway!" Well said, well said. Gord-o sends Andy home and them moves Suzanne to the other team. It's been done before.
A couple fantastic quotes from this episode:
Gord-o:
"This risotto is fucking delicious!" -I've heard the same thing said about Jack-in-the-Box Tacos
"Hey Everyone! Come'er a minute!" -Presumably to taste the risotto
Andy in reference to Gord-o's in your face style:
"You don't necessarily have to be a douche nozzle to make a kitchen run well" -Yeah, but it helps
Suzanne about getting put up for elimination:
"The fact of the matter is, I was just trying to get everything right" -Yup.
"I'm trying to think about whether I deserve to go home or not" -Newsflash: It doesn't matter
And the number one quote of the evening goes to The Girlfriend. Unfortunately, I'm paraphrasing:
"The important question is; does she realize that every lamb that gets cooked wrong is a dead lamb?" -I have nothing to add. She is my inspiration.
That's all for today. Lots of good TV on tonight. Check out Glee.
This commercial aired twice during hell's kitchen, coincidence?
Andy's poorly executed run-in with the mandoline came- Wait, tangent; I watched "World's Greatest Dad" last night, I thought it was pretty good. That's not the point, the point is, Bruce Hornsby was in it -He wrote "Mandolin Rain" I know, different kind of mandolin(e). Obviously his career was not built on his outward appearance. Of course that asks the question, what's his career based on?
So, Andy's run in with the mandoline was really where this episode got interesting -except Dave's abortion of a desert crepe- speaking of Dave, watch this clip:
There's something wrong with this guy, I can't pin it down. Not I can't pin down what's wrong with him, I can't pin down what makes me think there's something wrong with him - Can I get a little help?
So Andy came back from the medics right before dinner service and was unable to complete any task -you know, because he cut his freaking fingers off! Here's the deal, Andy: Dave -there's just something wrong with that guy- has been working with one hand in a cast this whole time. Kevin -my darkhorse vote for the winner- has some kind of foot injury (They keep referring to it, but I don't know what it is). My point is this, both those guys are kicking ass right now, Andy's got a pass on dinner service if he stays out, but if he comes back, his injury is no excuse in the face of the two other guys. That's my point.Obviously Andy was a mess, but the women's kitchen -after seeing Suzanne take a run at a creepy attempt to become a "team player"- fell apart again this week, all in all, Gord-o kicked three people out of the kitchen! Andy, Sabrina, and Suzanne were all kicked out. The blue team finished service with three people, and the red with two!
In the end Gord-o instructed both teams to work together to pick two. They originally picked Andy and Suzanne. Someone pointed out that if they put Andy and Suzanne up, Gord-o would certainly send Andy home. Of course everyone really wants Suzanne to go home. The Girlfriend pointed out that "[Gord-o's] going to call up whoever he wants anyway!" Well said, well said. Gord-o sends Andy home and them moves Suzanne to the other team. It's been done before.
A couple fantastic quotes from this episode:
Gord-o:
Andy in reference to Gord-o's in your face style:
Suzanne about getting put up for elimination:
And the number one quote of the evening goes to The Girlfriend. Unfortunately, I'm paraphrasing:
That's all for today. Lots of good TV on tonight. Check out Glee.
This commercial aired twice during hell's kitchen, coincidence?
Design Star has shed it's disguise and finally shows us it's true purpose: to pit straight male designers against gay male designers
All right, so gay is a reoccurring theme in my blogs, but I only hold up a mirror to the TV... it is TV that relies on people's sexuality to create interest where otherwise there would be none!
So Dan on Design star isn't overtly gay, fine, I'm one dimensional. Still this week's design star brought it down to Dan, Antonio, and dull woman #2 -guess who goes home. Correct, but I'll get there later. This week's challenge had the designers making over celebrity rooms. It's funny, I don't remember the exact wording, but they made a point of leaving the type of room generic, but it just as easily could have been "the designers make over the guest bedrooms of celebrities, except Kathy Griffin, she wants an office or something. Also, she's not a celebrity". But really, none of them were.
So to pick the celebrities -and they do this to choose a number of things on Design Star. It's been something that's troubled me before, but I already write 98,000 word blogs, I've got to leave some stuff out. So, to pick which designer gets which celebrity, the designers each stand behind a stool with a can of paint on it (you know, cus it's a design show) and they lift up their lids to determine who they get. Here's the thing that bothers me; every time they show this, the designers are just standing behind their paint cans. You never see them go over and select a paint can. So this leaves me with a strong feeling that they are only creating the illusion of this being a random selection. I'm pretty sure it's all planned out (I know, everyone reading this is saying "duh, Mike... moron". But you're the one talking out loud. I can't hear you, who's the moron now?!).
So the Celeb-Designer combos end up like this; Dull Woman #2 gets Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell. Kelly wants an eco-friendly make-over for her room. There' s no sense in repeating myself, if you care about my thoughts on "eco-friendly makeovers" go here -It's about half way down. It's only like two sentences, but I'm really thrilled I get to reference one of my past blogs, I feel like this is a milestone for me. So Dull Woman makes the room all eco-friendly, and does her signature "One wall has a pattern that repeats vertically". Honestly, I thought it was kind of cool, but it's been done... by her... a few times. Also, too much grass wall-paper, and she didn't have enough time to hang her headboard.
Dan "I'm probably gay, but if I said I wasn't your response would be 'really?' as apposed to a sarcastic 'Yeah, I'm sure you're not'" -umm, I'll be honest, I was going for the First-name "kinda funny description of the person" Last-name thing, but the whole idea was shortsighted on my part, as I don't know his last name. Regardless, I think you get my point. Anyway, he got Brandon from 90210 -I think his character's name was Brandon, I didn't watch as much 90210 as I did Saved by the Bell in my formative years; It's Jason Priestly, whoever he was on 90210. So Dan got whoever Jason Priestly was on 90210 and his very pregnant and oddly accented wife -The girlfriend and I had a discussion about where her accent came from... the girlfriend was arguing "Britain, maybe Australia?" I was arguing "The land of make-believe". They wanted their guestroom made into a nursery with a "nautical, Cape Cod theme". So he painted it blue and hung abstract boat frames from the ceiling - naturally.
Finally Antonio got Kathy Griffin and all of her craziness. Apparently she has three employees. Yeah, and she said it pretty much exactly like that "I have three employees". Apparently it takes three people to manage the media circus that is Kathy Griffin's career. Furthermore, they work in her house. So Antonio made some desks and -according to Vern Yip- decorated like a hobbit (but seriously, these days, who isn't decorating like a hobbit?). Also, there was a metal cutout of America at the front of the room so that they could plot out her tour schedule -"You'll do a show in Topeka, then come home, then a week in Bakersfield!". Lastly, he had 6 clocks on her wall all in different time zones -No snarky comment, just tossing up that meatball for you.
So they all hosted their spaces, Antonio was great, Dull Woman #2 was decent, Dan was awful, how awful? If you've ever watched "More to Love" you've no doubt noticed the heavy-set British woman who comes in at the elimination ceremony, says something along the lines of "there are three rings left", then leaves. Dan could not do that job. That's how bad his hosting was.
So Dull Woman #2 got sent home. I think it was mainly due to the headboard, but I can't say for sure as my omnipotence is failing me today.
Remember these commercials? Oh the glory days!
So Dan on Design star isn't overtly gay, fine, I'm one dimensional. Still this week's design star brought it down to Dan, Antonio, and dull woman #2 -guess who goes home. Correct, but I'll get there later. This week's challenge had the designers making over celebrity rooms. It's funny, I don't remember the exact wording, but they made a point of leaving the type of room generic, but it just as easily could have been "the designers make over the guest bedrooms of celebrities, except Kathy Griffin, she wants an office or something. Also, she's not a celebrity". But really, none of them were.
So to pick the celebrities -and they do this to choose a number of things on Design Star. It's been something that's troubled me before, but I already write 98,000 word blogs, I've got to leave some stuff out. So, to pick which designer gets which celebrity, the designers each stand behind a stool with a can of paint on it (you know, cus it's a design show) and they lift up their lids to determine who they get. Here's the thing that bothers me; every time they show this, the designers are just standing behind their paint cans. You never see them go over and select a paint can. So this leaves me with a strong feeling that they are only creating the illusion of this being a random selection. I'm pretty sure it's all planned out (I know, everyone reading this is saying "duh, Mike... moron". But you're the one talking out loud. I can't hear you, who's the moron now?!).
So the Celeb-Designer combos end up like this; Dull Woman #2 gets Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell. Kelly wants an eco-friendly make-over for her room. There' s no sense in repeating myself, if you care about my thoughts on "eco-friendly makeovers" go here -It's about half way down. It's only like two sentences, but I'm really thrilled I get to reference one of my past blogs, I feel like this is a milestone for me. So Dull Woman makes the room all eco-friendly, and does her signature "One wall has a pattern that repeats vertically". Honestly, I thought it was kind of cool, but it's been done... by her... a few times. Also, too much grass wall-paper, and she didn't have enough time to hang her headboard.
Dan "I'm probably gay, but if I said I wasn't your response would be 'really?' as apposed to a sarcastic 'Yeah, I'm sure you're not'" -umm, I'll be honest, I was going for the First-name "kinda funny description of the person" Last-name thing, but the whole idea was shortsighted on my part, as I don't know his last name. Regardless, I think you get my point. Anyway, he got Brandon from 90210 -I think his character's name was Brandon, I didn't watch as much 90210 as I did Saved by the Bell in my formative years; It's Jason Priestly, whoever he was on 90210. So Dan got whoever Jason Priestly was on 90210 and his very pregnant and oddly accented wife -The girlfriend and I had a discussion about where her accent came from... the girlfriend was arguing "Britain, maybe Australia?" I was arguing "The land of make-believe". They wanted their guestroom made into a nursery with a "nautical, Cape Cod theme". So he painted it blue and hung abstract boat frames from the ceiling - naturally.
Finally Antonio got Kathy Griffin and all of her craziness. Apparently she has three employees. Yeah, and she said it pretty much exactly like that "I have three employees". Apparently it takes three people to manage the media circus that is Kathy Griffin's career. Furthermore, they work in her house. So Antonio made some desks and -according to Vern Yip- decorated like a hobbit (but seriously, these days, who isn't decorating like a hobbit?). Also, there was a metal cutout of America at the front of the room so that they could plot out her tour schedule -"You'll do a show in Topeka, then come home, then a week in Bakersfield!". Lastly, he had 6 clocks on her wall all in different time zones -No snarky comment, just tossing up that meatball for you.
So they all hosted their spaces, Antonio was great, Dull Woman #2 was decent, Dan was awful, how awful? If you've ever watched "More to Love" you've no doubt noticed the heavy-set British woman who comes in at the elimination ceremony, says something along the lines of "there are three rings left", then leaves. Dan could not do that job. That's how bad his hosting was.
So Dull Woman #2 got sent home. I think it was mainly due to the headboard, but I can't say for sure as my omnipotence is failing me today.
Remember these commercials? Oh the glory days!
My glorious return to the shores of Bloggonia!
So, the flu (or some approximation of it) put me down for a week, but I'm back! and snarkier than ever! I watched a fair amount of TV this week, started a blog about Top Chef -but never finished, and -when I was feeling better- built a shelf the right size to fit in a closet, but didn't measure the closet door -I'm a little embarrassed about that one, but it is what it is.
The point is that all of that is behind me, including my unfinished Top Chef blog. It's been long enough that I've completely forgotten what happened on Top Chef last week, and my only remaining Top Chef memory is of the lesbian chef from Seattle raging about having to participate in a challenge that was -very remotely- tied to an institution that she wasn't allowed to be a part of. It was kinda funny, I kinda get it, I mostly don't care... but my self imposed window to comment on it has closed, so that's all I'm going to say.
The point is that all of that is behind me, including my unfinished Top Chef blog. It's been long enough that I've completely forgotten what happened on Top Chef last week, and my only remaining Top Chef memory is of the lesbian chef from Seattle raging about having to participate in a challenge that was -very remotely- tied to an institution that she wasn't allowed to be a part of. It was kinda funny, I kinda get it, I mostly don't care... but my self imposed window to comment on it has closed, so that's all I'm going to say.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Bloging on the weekend gave me the flu.
Well, that's pretty clear, right?
I know, logic dictates that if I'm sitting at home all day on the couch, I should be able to throw some witty observations together, embed a clever YouTube clip and call it good. Logic dictates as much, but I do what I want!
So I've watched some stuff lately. The Girlfriend and I went to see Julie and Julia (or Julia and Julie... I don't know). It was OK. I thought about writing about it, but I don't care. So there you are. I will say this: Meryl Streep may be the best actor we have right now. Her half was incredible. The other half... not so much. It was all about some self absorbed nobody with such a complete misunderstanding of her place in the world that she thought people actually cared about her blog... oh.
Also, Design Star was on Sunday night, of course I didn't watch it until Monday because of aforementioned flu -yet I'm writing through the flu right now... I'm like Micheal Jordan! Anyway, it was a really boring episode... like really boring. Here's what I got: Dull woman #1 (or#2, I don't remember! The one that had to have been in weird Texan child beauty pageants as a young girl) Dull woman #1 got the boot. She was up against Ambiguously Gay Carpenter (Dan. Really, that's his name... the Girlfriend says his gayness is not so ambiguous, she's probably right.) So she was up against Dan because her and Dan had some weird thing where she gave him $10,000 but said $5,000 or something like that, and he bought a $10,000 gazebo and screwed everything up, or something like that. It may have been the most confusing thing I've ever seen on reality TV... and there's been some confusing stuff. I just tried to find a clip of it, because it's totally out of control, but I couldn't find one... I might recommend watching this episode simply for that, I really can't do it justice. I'll transcribe what I remember about it;
Dull Woman #1: "How much do you need for the gazebo"
Dan: "$5,000"
DW1: "OK. here's $10,000... How much did I give you?"
Dan: "$5,000"
DW1:"OK, so you've got $10,000 there, right?"
Dan: "Yeah"
DW1: "OK, you've got $5,000 for the gazebo, you think that's enough?"
Dan: "I'm sure a gazebo won't cost more than $5,000"
That's seriously how it went -or at least a decent representation. The point is, they were dealing in cash!!! They were holding the cash in their hands the whole time!!! Never once did anyone just count the cash!!!
Anyway, Dull woman #1 got sent home. Also, the two women judges want to get at it with Antonio, Vern Yip wants to get at it with Dan. Dull woman #2 stands no chance.
In other news, we watched Hell's Kitchen last night. Love the hell's kitchen. Tonight was the obligatory "taste test challenge". I'm pleased to say -as someone who's watched several season's of Hell's Kitchen- that Gord-o seems to have finally caught on that it's a funny challenge, or he was drunk. Either way, the chefs come up blind-folded and Gord-o feeds them something and they have to guess what it is. They rarely get it right, and when it's wrong it's usually ridiculously wrong -example: Andy, aka "Next guy sent home" was given avocado, he guessed it was "Boiled Coconut". Odd, I have no idea what boiled coconut would even taste like. You know because it's hard to find. You know, because no one, in the history of boiling things, has ever boiled a coconut. Or maybe they have -I don't care, this is my blog.
So the women won and got to go on an "eating in the dark" lunch with Gord-o. Amanda fell on Gord-o (or pretended to fall) and "copped a feel". I think that plays in later. Nothing else worth mentioning happened during lunch.
The men's punishment was to make sorbet and bring in a shipment. I started out thinking that it seemed like the women's reward and the men's punishment were weaker than their counter part's of last week, and was going to make some crack about Gord-o being a misogynist, but then I remembered that one of the men almost died on a punishment just a few weeks ago. So I decided to leave that one alone.
So dinner service was dinner service -Oh! did I mention that the "palette cleansing sorbet" that the men made and the teams were serving between courses was a "Hell's Kitchen first"? That's two weeks in a row! Maybe three, I don't like to remember crap that doesn't matter. So, yeah, dinner services could essentially be traded out for each other, and with the right editing, no one would ever know. I'll say this about it; The women lost and it was someone's fault. We'll call her "the outsider" because no one likes her -including the producers apparently, because the whole thing was edited to make her look way worse than she could have actually been. Also, I don't remember her name.
Dave "I forgot where I am" BeanieHat (that's his full name) was anointed as the "best of the best, and Whoopi Goldberg was the "best of the worst." Whoopi was way excited about that. She put up The Outsider and Chubby Blonde Girl, but Gord-o decided to add a third -Side note to Gord-o: Seriously, we all get that you're in charge, and it's great! But continuously having them vote on two people then bringing a third up a) wastes their time and b) puts into question the integrity of the process... just something to think about. So Gord-o added Amanda because she tried to cop a feel in the dark luncheon. Then Gord-O sent Amanda home because she wouldn't follow through on the copping a feel -too far? I don't care, it's my blog. Anyway, next week, there's... umm... more cooking. Comcast cut out during the previews for next week. I won't lose any sleep.
Note: "Glee" on Fox is re-airing the pilot that it aired a few months ago... if you didn't see it, watch it, I think this could be a legitimately good show. Also, if you haven't seen it, watch the 3rd season of Arrested Development. I'm pretty sure when they made it, they knew they were getting canceled, it's legitimately bizarre.
OMG! Almost forgot!!! No more Dating in the Dark! I know, right?!
I saw this on CBC last night while watching Jeopardy (clearly America's missing the boat on TV ads)
I know, logic dictates that if I'm sitting at home all day on the couch, I should be able to throw some witty observations together, embed a clever YouTube clip and call it good. Logic dictates as much, but I do what I want!
So I've watched some stuff lately. The Girlfriend and I went to see Julie and Julia (or Julia and Julie... I don't know). It was OK. I thought about writing about it, but I don't care. So there you are. I will say this: Meryl Streep may be the best actor we have right now. Her half was incredible. The other half... not so much. It was all about some self absorbed nobody with such a complete misunderstanding of her place in the world that she thought people actually cared about her blog... oh.
Also, Design Star was on Sunday night, of course I didn't watch it until Monday because of aforementioned flu -yet I'm writing through the flu right now... I'm like Micheal Jordan! Anyway, it was a really boring episode... like really boring. Here's what I got: Dull woman #1 (or#2, I don't remember! The one that had to have been in weird Texan child beauty pageants as a young girl) Dull woman #1 got the boot. She was up against Ambiguously Gay Carpenter (Dan. Really, that's his name... the Girlfriend says his gayness is not so ambiguous, she's probably right.) So she was up against Dan because her and Dan had some weird thing where she gave him $10,000 but said $5,000 or something like that, and he bought a $10,000 gazebo and screwed everything up, or something like that. It may have been the most confusing thing I've ever seen on reality TV... and there's been some confusing stuff. I just tried to find a clip of it, because it's totally out of control, but I couldn't find one... I might recommend watching this episode simply for that, I really can't do it justice. I'll transcribe what I remember about it;
Dull Woman #1: "How much do you need for the gazebo"
Dan: "$5,000"
DW1: "OK. here's $10,000... How much did I give you?"
Dan: "$5,000"
DW1:"OK, so you've got $10,000 there, right?"
Dan: "Yeah"
DW1: "OK, you've got $5,000 for the gazebo, you think that's enough?"
Dan: "I'm sure a gazebo won't cost more than $5,000"
That's seriously how it went -or at least a decent representation. The point is, they were dealing in cash!!! They were holding the cash in their hands the whole time!!! Never once did anyone just count the cash!!!
Anyway, Dull woman #1 got sent home. Also, the two women judges want to get at it with Antonio, Vern Yip wants to get at it with Dan. Dull woman #2 stands no chance.
In other news, we watched Hell's Kitchen last night. Love the hell's kitchen. Tonight was the obligatory "taste test challenge". I'm pleased to say -as someone who's watched several season's of Hell's Kitchen- that Gord-o seems to have finally caught on that it's a funny challenge, or he was drunk. Either way, the chefs come up blind-folded and Gord-o feeds them something and they have to guess what it is. They rarely get it right, and when it's wrong it's usually ridiculously wrong -example: Andy, aka "Next guy sent home" was given avocado, he guessed it was "Boiled Coconut". Odd, I have no idea what boiled coconut would even taste like. You know because it's hard to find. You know, because no one, in the history of boiling things, has ever boiled a coconut. Or maybe they have -I don't care, this is my blog.
So the women won and got to go on an "eating in the dark" lunch with Gord-o. Amanda fell on Gord-o (or pretended to fall) and "copped a feel". I think that plays in later. Nothing else worth mentioning happened during lunch.
The men's punishment was to make sorbet and bring in a shipment. I started out thinking that it seemed like the women's reward and the men's punishment were weaker than their counter part's of last week, and was going to make some crack about Gord-o being a misogynist, but then I remembered that one of the men almost died on a punishment just a few weeks ago. So I decided to leave that one alone.
So dinner service was dinner service -Oh! did I mention that the "palette cleansing sorbet" that the men made and the teams were serving between courses was a "Hell's Kitchen first"? That's two weeks in a row! Maybe three, I don't like to remember crap that doesn't matter. So, yeah, dinner services could essentially be traded out for each other, and with the right editing, no one would ever know. I'll say this about it; The women lost and it was someone's fault. We'll call her "the outsider" because no one likes her -including the producers apparently, because the whole thing was edited to make her look way worse than she could have actually been. Also, I don't remember her name.
Dave "I forgot where I am" BeanieHat (that's his full name) was anointed as the "best of the best, and Whoopi Goldberg was the "best of the worst." Whoopi was way excited about that. She put up The Outsider and Chubby Blonde Girl, but Gord-o decided to add a third -Side note to Gord-o: Seriously, we all get that you're in charge, and it's great! But continuously having them vote on two people then bringing a third up a) wastes their time and b) puts into question the integrity of the process... just something to think about. So Gord-o added Amanda because she tried to cop a feel in the dark luncheon. Then Gord-O sent Amanda home because she wouldn't follow through on the copping a feel -too far? I don't care, it's my blog. Anyway, next week, there's... umm... more cooking. Comcast cut out during the previews for next week. I won't lose any sleep.
Note: "Glee" on Fox is re-airing the pilot that it aired a few months ago... if you didn't see it, watch it, I think this could be a legitimately good show. Also, if you haven't seen it, watch the 3rd season of Arrested Development. I'm pretty sure when they made it, they knew they were getting canceled, it's legitimately bizarre.
OMG! Almost forgot!!! No more Dating in the Dark! I know, right?!
I saw this on CBC last night while watching Jeopardy (clearly America's missing the boat on TV ads)
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