If Idol has any hope of a post Simon-Cowell exitense, they need to pay special attention to the following three words: Neil Patrick Harris.
There, I've said my peace.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Something something I didn't know I was pregnant
Here's the thing; I've clearly never been pregnant. I probably couldn't even tell you where my vagina is (it's in the middle of my back, right?). Still, you know what I say to people who claim they didn't know they were pregnant? Wrong! Also, I don't care what TLC pays you, whether the story is true or false, telling your child that they were a surprise birth (mind you, not a surprise pregnancy, there's a difference) is like tattooing grateful dead bears on it's face, or naming it after a continent (or subcontinent) -you've just a made a number of life decisions for it that it will have a hard time reversing.
Doogal is coming!
Doogal is coming!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A little American Idol, a little crushing news
Do you watch American Idol? Do you love American Idol as I do? I got news for you, kid. This is the end of it. First Paula, now Simon will leave at the end of the season. Can the show survive on the personalities of Kara and Randy? Let me answer that question with another question; no.
But I'm not here to talk about Idol... in this stage of the game. I think it'd be a mess, I'm just not willing to take it on. I will say two things about Chicago: 1) people from there like it too much, it's weird. 2) If your two inspirational stories for the night are "I overcame my parents getting divorced when I was 19" (and "I overcame asthma to become a satisfactory singer", you're in for a slow night. Note: The Fiance brought up a good point about the divorce; they showed a picture of her parents together which was quite old. Perhaps they showed an old photo because that was the most recent picture of her parents together and they actually divorced quite some time ago? Doesn't really matter. Either was it's a poor inspirational story.
You're now starting to wonder if I wrote this entry just to say "I'm not going to write an entry about this". I did not, I wrote this entry for two reasons a) I have nothing... NOTHING! to do at work and b) I have sad, earth shattering news about the "Mike's Blog 100 worst films of all time inspirational contest" (TM); I couldn't find a copy of Hababam sinifi merhaba. I know. Worse? I don't think this is the last time this is going to happen. Anyway, with no other option but to continue down the list, I will continue down the... list.
Next stop: Doogal
But I'm not here to talk about Idol... in this stage of the game. I think it'd be a mess, I'm just not willing to take it on. I will say two things about Chicago: 1) people from there like it too much, it's weird. 2) If your two inspirational stories for the night are "I overcame my parents getting divorced when I was 19" (and "I overcame asthma to become a satisfactory singer", you're in for a slow night. Note: The Fiance brought up a good point about the divorce; they showed a picture of her parents together which was quite old. Perhaps they showed an old photo because that was the most recent picture of her parents together and they actually divorced quite some time ago? Doesn't really matter. Either was it's a poor inspirational story.
You're now starting to wonder if I wrote this entry just to say "I'm not going to write an entry about this". I did not, I wrote this entry for two reasons a) I have nothing... NOTHING! to do at work and b) I have sad, earth shattering news about the "Mike's Blog 100 worst films of all time inspirational contest" (TM); I couldn't find a copy of Hababam sinifi merhaba. I know. Worse? I don't think this is the last time this is going to happen. Anyway, with no other option but to continue down the list, I will continue down the... list.
Next stop: Doogal
Monday, January 11, 2010
The path is long and slow, and the underbrush is thick, but I believe I see a clearing ahead of me.
Wow, seriously. What a horrible piece of crap that was. I'll be honest with you, because what am I, if not honest? I didn't watch the whole thing. I'm not sure I made it half way.
Here's the catch; I didn't need to. It's like Cloverfield (I'm about to make myself look and feel old here), I went to see Cloverfield in the theatre. It gave me motion sickness -just like the hundreds of other middle-aged women that saw it in the theatre- and I left early, but throughout the movie, the question I kept asking myself was this: "Do I care enough about what happens to put up with the discomfort of nausea?" For the first 2/3rds of the movie the answer was "yes", but at some point, the answer turned to "no" and I got up and stumbled out of the theatre. Same thing happened with Marci X (and Funny People, but that's a story for another blog entry).
It's your standard Odd-couple scenario; on one side a black, hardcore gangster rapper. And what's the complete opposite of that? A rich blond Jewish heiress, of course! The movie writes itself! Well, so long as you include stereo-types so crude as to completely miss the mark -Dr. S (the "hardcore gangster rapper" everyone's up in arms about) has Christina Aguilera style backup dancers- the movie writes itself.
The story is this: There's this crazy offensive hardcore rapper, Dr S (Damon Wayans), see, and this super spoiled and superficial Jewish heiress(Phoebe from friends). But things get crazy when the rapper's new album "drops"! People get all outraged and boycott all the other companies owned by the wealthy Jewish man that owns (to his surprise, cus them wealthy Jewish men just can't keep track of all their businesses!) the record company. The boycott is so shocking that the wealthy Jewish man has a heart attack and is hospitalized and shielded from any business dealings. Well, it turns out this wealthy Jewish man has a daughter, who happens to be the totally vacuous, superficial, Jewish heiress. But when he tells her that he "wishes he had a son" so he could have someone to run the company, she gets all motivated and marches herself down to have a word with this Dr. S. So she arrives at his concert and he calls her up on stage to have a word with her about trying to censure him, but the jokes on him! After three or four tries (cause rapping is hard!) she breaks out the consumerist anthem (which you can find on my Meet the Spartans Blog) "Power in my purse"... it's all downhill from there. There's some terrible gay jokes, mixed with terrible boy band jokes (it's like peanut butter and chocolate) and that's really it. At some point they end up kissing (cause all that fightin' sure to make a person amorous!), then his girlfriend gets all "up in her face", then Mike gets up to have a snack and never recovers, the end.
Two good things;
Pat Cashman had a bit role (for those not from the Northwest and/or not over 30, Pat Cahsman was on the now defunct Almost Live a Seattle based sketch comedy show that aired after SNL during the 80s and 90s. He's also the non-cactus spokesman for Taco Time)
I have not yet been deterred from my quest to watch all 100 terrible movies on my list. Next on my list; Hababam sinifi merhaba or "Look at those funny Turkish people!" (Note: According to the good people at Dictionary.com it actually translates to "Hababam class hi"... I'm pretty sure it's a teen sex romp). I have NO idea where I'm going to find this. None. But I will give a valiant effort (or at least a passable effort, then I'll skip it and replace it with something else. Or just skip it.)
Warning: This may be the best clip I've ever posted, I'm actually looking forward to this. Also, is that Reba McEntire?
I'm done.
Here's the catch; I didn't need to. It's like Cloverfield (I'm about to make myself look and feel old here), I went to see Cloverfield in the theatre. It gave me motion sickness -just like the hundreds of other middle-aged women that saw it in the theatre- and I left early, but throughout the movie, the question I kept asking myself was this: "Do I care enough about what happens to put up with the discomfort of nausea?" For the first 2/3rds of the movie the answer was "yes", but at some point, the answer turned to "no" and I got up and stumbled out of the theatre. Same thing happened with Marci X (and Funny People, but that's a story for another blog entry).
It's your standard Odd-couple scenario; on one side a black, hardcore gangster rapper. And what's the complete opposite of that? A rich blond Jewish heiress, of course! The movie writes itself! Well, so long as you include stereo-types so crude as to completely miss the mark -Dr. S (the "hardcore gangster rapper" everyone's up in arms about) has Christina Aguilera style backup dancers- the movie writes itself.
The story is this: There's this crazy offensive hardcore rapper, Dr S (Damon Wayans), see, and this super spoiled and superficial Jewish heiress(Phoebe from friends). But things get crazy when the rapper's new album "drops"! People get all outraged and boycott all the other companies owned by the wealthy Jewish man that owns (to his surprise, cus them wealthy Jewish men just can't keep track of all their businesses!) the record company. The boycott is so shocking that the wealthy Jewish man has a heart attack and is hospitalized and shielded from any business dealings. Well, it turns out this wealthy Jewish man has a daughter, who happens to be the totally vacuous, superficial, Jewish heiress. But when he tells her that he "wishes he had a son" so he could have someone to run the company, she gets all motivated and marches herself down to have a word with this Dr. S. So she arrives at his concert and he calls her up on stage to have a word with her about trying to censure him, but the jokes on him! After three or four tries (cause rapping is hard!) she breaks out the consumerist anthem (which you can find on my Meet the Spartans Blog) "Power in my purse"... it's all downhill from there. There's some terrible gay jokes, mixed with terrible boy band jokes (it's like peanut butter and chocolate) and that's really it. At some point they end up kissing (cause all that fightin' sure to make a person amorous!), then his girlfriend gets all "up in her face", then Mike gets up to have a snack and never recovers, the end.
Two good things;
Warning: This may be the best clip I've ever posted, I'm actually looking forward to this. Also, is that Reba McEntire?
I'm done.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
From the land of melted brain waterfalls
Get this!
According to TMZ; Casey Johnson's (recently deceased Johnson & Johnson heiress) dogs were being held by Tila Tequila against the wishes of the Johnson family and concerned socialites/citizens Nikki Hilton and Bijou Phillips.
There are three people and one news agency that shouldn't exist in that story, can you guess who they are?
Also, if the pictures on that page are any indication, the dogs also shouldn't exist and may or may not have eaten their own face. (also, further research has brought to light that the dog shown in that picture may not be her dog... but seriously, where's it's face?!)
Marci X is coming! I promise!
According to TMZ; Casey Johnson's (recently deceased Johnson & Johnson heiress) dogs were being held by Tila Tequila against the wishes of the Johnson family and concerned socialites/citizens Nikki Hilton and Bijou Phillips.
There are three people and one news agency that shouldn't exist in that story, can you guess who they are?
Also, if the pictures on that page are any indication, the dogs also shouldn't exist and may or may not have eaten their own face. (also, further research has brought to light that the dog shown in that picture may not be her dog... but seriously, where's it's face?!)
Marci X is coming! I promise!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Happy New Year!
So I'm 4 days late, and I don't even have a point. Big deal! You think you're better than me?!
Regardless, consider the following;
And with that I bid you farewell!
Stay tuned for the promised "Marci X" blog
Regardless, consider the following;
- Mike, why are you writing an entry when you have nothing to write about
- On the list of blog entrys for my site, I want something in the 2010 folder.
- Good enough, anything else you want to do while you're here?
- Yeah, my buddy Mikey is always linking to my page, but I seldom return the favor, so here we are; Mikey's Blog -It's a good source for any lack of cursing you get from my blog... yeah, I try to avoid it; that's just my style
And with that I bid you farewell!
Stay tuned for the promised "Marci X" blog
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