It's a man's world

Night 2 of the Idol "nitty gritty"... and as we all know, I like to get down to the nitty gritty.

So, I realized a couple of things about yesterday's column as I was watching Idol last night; First, I forgot to predict who will be going home. So prediction, um.... number five and number seven -I don't know, I promise some negative predictions when the season gets going, but right now there's just too many nameless faceless contestants... I'm starting to think I should have picked up next week at the top 20... but no matter. Second thing I realized while watching Idol last night; The Fiance doesn't know what dentists look like. God love her, but apparently she grew up in a world where dentists don't have neck tattoos. I don't want to live in a world like that.

So all sorts of guys performed last night, and as always when Idol brings in the guys, I'm reminded that the stupid goatee that I had banished to the realm of "stupid facial hair that douchebags the world over -myself included- sported in the late 90s and early 2000's" is still alive, well, and being worn by douchebags everywhere.

That being said, I don't have the patience to go through everyone again... Christ! it's 24 contestants, I don't even have the patience to write out 24 with actual letters! So I'm just going to go over the ones that I had any sort of opinion about (which should be about twelve of them).

First things first, they put the Dentist on last... you know why they did this? Because he's awesome, and they know it. But I think maybe they knew it too much this week, because they got all disappointed with his super awesome jazzy acoustic performance of some pop-punk song... the kind of song I would have listened to when I had a goatee. But yeah, he's a winner, there's a level of comfort with the creative process in him that isn't there with the other contestants, he's my male Crystal Bowersox... let's call him Dentist Boy-ersox (yeah!)... ok, we're not going to call him that. Still, I'm very proud of the fact that I pulled that out of the pile of crappy gender based Bowersox jokes in my head.

So we've got the Dentist. We've got the 19 year old kid from Texas who I like to call "Seriously, what's the deal with your hair?!". Ellen mentioned that he was keeping his mullet no matter what anyone says. My response: "That's what I'm talking about, Ellen!". Off topic, but another key Ellen moment of the night (I'm luke on Ellen so far, but I'm coming around... I just hate Kara so much). When the judges were "judging" Dreamboat VonHunkerson for his looking pretty while someone sang Brian Adams, Kara turned to Ellen for some back-up on how much all of the ladies wanted him. To which Ellen's face replied "dude, I like girls". Hehe, stupid Kara, what does Ellen want with Dreamboat when she's got Portia at home cooking up some hot ham water?

Well, Back to "Seriously, what's the deal with your hair?"... the thing is, it's not so much a mullet as Carol Brady's hair with the sides cut short. All that aside, he sang well, I really like his voice, and man, he was nervous! Like, you could pick me up in a bus -right now- fly me to Hollywood, throw me on a stage in front of cameras and tell me to sing a Dixie Chicks song (I don't know any Dixie Chicks songs... that's an unspoken part of the description) and I wouldn't look as nervous as that kid... which, frankly, kinda makes me like him. In three weeks, it won't make me like him anymore, but right now, it's endearing.

Let's see... who else... we covered Dreamboat- he was actually pretty good, just too dreamy for me to take seriously, and I kinda feel for him on that, you could tell watching him during the criticism that he was a little put out by the fact that all anyone talked about was how pretty he was. It's a rough life for the very beautiful among us.

I'm really blanking here... oh, there's "2 of Ryan Seacrest"... Big Mike, seriously, that guy's at least two of Ryan Seacrest... very funny to see them standing next to each other. Anyway, he's all right, I think I'll get tired of him the same way I'd get tired if I spent enough time with any gym employee.

There's "ABC Family", that kid needs a nose-job quick if he has any hope of breaking in to the teen-idol world -other than that, he's got it... he's asexual, non-threatening, he tops off at about 94 lbs. Even his "spiky hair" is only ambiguously spiky.

The guy that used the band as an excuse for his bad performance in Hollywood (bad move). So a) he was terrible...like awful terrible... baaaad b.) When Ryan said to him "So, have you and Mike made up?" (Mike's the band leader) he responded "Who's Mike?!"... oh Lord. So I think he's gone. There is the chance (and this happens often with Idol) that because he was really bad he'll get through because he'll get a bunch of support... I don't know.

To be honest, no one else stands out in my mind enough to talk about. I guess I should say that 70's guy should get a new shtick, but that's really all I've got.

Tonight; results show... I may bust out a quick post tomorrow about the results... I don't know. Survivor's on, so I'm not guaranteeing anything.